Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
