Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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