I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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