You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
no you cant smoke seaweed
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
