There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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