Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
