Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
