Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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