Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
