yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
