you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
