I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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