She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
