Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
