I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
