I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
