U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
True strength comes from lack of pants
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