everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
