before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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