woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
