dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
this boner is exhausting
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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