i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
