I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
im six kinds of drunk right now
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize