Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
