I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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