i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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