I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
