I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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