bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
