addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
