So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize