I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
