double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
