I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
