just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
