so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she told me i tasted like america
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
