So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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