Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
