sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
