He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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