Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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