oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
