How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
