we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Are my feet made of real feet?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
