fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
