Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
people are starting to question the shark bite story
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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