i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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