drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
