i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When did angry sex become our thing?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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