woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
is this the sara with the beer cane?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
