We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
