Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
