Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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