I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
