He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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