remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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