It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
