one word: firstdatebathroomanal
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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