The maid of honor just puked.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
we're making bets on your personal life
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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