Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
