dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
