Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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