i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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